why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
