Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So many bounce houses so little time
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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