Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
