I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
