my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
