yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
