Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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