My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
