these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
