I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
