i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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