I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
