I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
