I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
