youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
