You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
