Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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