you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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