you guys were way drunker than both of me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
