And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
