i don't like sucking hair
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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