You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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