if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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