Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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