the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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