sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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