I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
