you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
