its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
