We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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