I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
