Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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