I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
