We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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