wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
