So drunk its hurt
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
