your parents love me but you hate me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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