Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You pole danced in your parka.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
