wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
