im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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