actually, I'm a sock model
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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