Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
