If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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