and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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