No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
