this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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