You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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