if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
