At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I will pee on everything he values.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
