I love black thongs
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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