I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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